I’m a woman. Not a sexual object

                     "I’m a woman. Not a sexual object".

We all might have at one time or the other bought an object for our use. And it is possible that we don’t even notice, pay attention or appreciate the colour and the beauty of that particular object no matter how attractive it seems. All we are concerned with or interested in is its ability to serve the purpose for which it was acquired. All our focus is on that singular reason we bought it, and that alone it must serve.

Sexual objectification according to Wikipedia,is the act of treating a person as a mere instrument of sexual pleasure. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity. Objectification is most commonly examined at the level of a society, but can also refer to the behavior of individuals.

Female sexual objectification by a male involves a woman being viewed primarily as an object of male sexual desire, rather than as a whole person.

That is exactly the case with women. That an average male sees a woman as a sexual object isn’t new. It is a reality. Haven’t you witnessed a scenario where a lady walks past or come into an environment and the first thing that crossed the mind of the men, if not all of them though, but a generous number of them is how to get her into an enclosed place and feed himself with what is underneath her clothing in order to satisfy the hunger created in him by his orientation that when you see a woman, you see sex.

That an average man sees a woman as a sexual object is not unknown. It is a reality. That is well known and understood by many, but most of us still don’t know or pretend not to know that there is something called self-objectification. Yes, there is a concept like that. It is simply the idea of women viewing, carrying, and presenting themselves as sexual objects to the male folk. In other words, it projects a situation where women accept being viewed as sex objects.

From time to time, women’s perception of themselves as sex objects had exposed them to quite a number of societal and social ridicule. They live their lives on the principle of ‘use what you have to get what you want’. Now tell me if the private parts are the only things that such women have.

Our society has succeeded in raising a generation of women with a very low self-esteem and to see ourselves through the lens of men as sex objects for man’s pleasure and ego boost. We have unconsciously raised and still raising a generation of women that is not capable of self-love, self-dignity and self-acceptance.

And what do we say about musicians in this present day that the lyrics of a song not infused with words and sentences that depict a woman as a sexual object or instrument for their sexual satisfaction wouldn’t come out as a hit track? Derogatory words and indecent language that I feel so ashamed to mention, all pointing to women as a means for men to getting sexual satisfaction are all they sing about.

Movie makers, producers, actors and actresses are also not left out in this social menace. And the females themselves, while acting even do more than their male counterparts in projecting themselves as sexual objects. I am not surprised that virtually all the screen goddesses have bleached their skin beyond repair because they have been brainwashed that being fair complexioned sells better.

 What happened to the fact that black is beautiful. The concept of ‘Beautiful’ should be ‘BeYouTiful’ rather than ‘BeThemTiful’. Be beautiful for you, yourself and yourself alone. Not for some societal beliefs or a group of people.

The advertisers are even worse. Any product, whether it has anything to do with the skin, women, sex or not, is advertised using in most cases, an indecently dressed lady. Tell me, what has a naked or half -naked woman as

the case may be got to do with the advertisement of an estate, a car or men’s shoes. I don’t know if you have come across an advertisement where a men’s suit is being advertised and the male model used is fully kitted but the supporting female is almost naked? Isn’t that madness?

Research has it that the modern female is being subjected to negative effects associated with self-objectification- such as body shame, appearance anxiety, depression, eating disorder, bleaching, and a host of others.

This abnormal trend has led us to develop an unnecessary self-consciousness, self-evaluation and the habit of monitoring how our body appears outwardly. And this habitual body and appearance monitoring, has penetrated and dealt a fatal blow on our emotional, psychological, and motivational being.

Little wonder you see women, old and young doing things that they ordinarily wouldn’t have done if there were no male folk. They do all sorts because they are craving for acceptance. Have you forgotten that you are fearfully and wonderfully created? You are a queen. And a queen doesn't struggle or begged to be accepted. Why not carry yourself in a dignified manner and see if you will not be gladly and honourably accepted. Let your beauty radiates from within and stop living fake life that is not befitting a queen.

Women are not sex objects, and it is high time they stop seeing themselves as one. Parents should also raise their girl-child to be confident, lively, full of self-love, and self-acceptance with an unshakable self-esteem who will be able to stand tall whenever and wherever she finds herself. And not like some second-class citizen who lives at the mercy of her male counterpart.

And to the males, I am human just like you are. So, when you see me, treat me as one with great values and potentials. Not some object you can use at will for your selfish satisfaction.

I am a woman. So what? Part One

Some days ago, I was telling a colleague how broke I was and how I urgently needed a divine help because I didn’t want to borrow. In actual fact, it isn’t my way to go broke and start looking for a raise here and there. But it just happened this time. And it was because I had many things screaming for my attention at the same time. I was discussing with him because he is a close pal.

 I had barely gone far in my lamentation speech when he said what I’ve been hearing from the men folk since I was a teenager. Yes, since I started getting the necessary shapes and contours in the necessary places. And over the years, like every other great and independent women like me,I have fought it. I have flexed my muscles. I have been sad. I have had to doubt my strength. I have had to doubt how far I can go in life if there’s no manly input in my life. I have even been named a feminist because of it.

 Do I love the name? Oh yes! Every sensible, go –getter,independent and self motivated woman is a feminist.

It is no news to hear men say ‘you are a woman, you shouldn’t have any problem. Excuse me bro? You say what?

That was the same response that colleague of mine gave me. He said ‘shebi you are a woman, money shouldn’t be your problem. And that was how he unknowingly pressed my vex mode button. What do you mean by saying money shouldn’t be my problem because I’m a woman? Do I have a money tree implanted in me? Is every ground I walk on ooze money once my gorgeous foot touch it? I demanded from him. 

And I tell you what, his next response got me reeling with the kind of laughter that brings sweet tears out of my beautiful and sexy eyes. You want to know what he said. Ok. The dude went on telling me how as a woman I have many avenues of getting money. How I don’t have any responsibility. Avenues of getting money? You mean avenues like side hustles? Dude said no. What are you f**king saying then, Mr. Man. 

The next thing he said was ‘don’t you have a boyfriend? Excuse me broda, what has my Mr. Boyfriend got to do with this talk? He went on to say girls, ladies and women aren’t supposed to have financial palaver as long as they are in a love relationship. Really! Tell me what I don’t know. Not knowing that I was seriously having fun from his folly. That was how the brother told me a lady no matter who she is has no responsibility and should just cast all her financial burdens on her male counterpart. Are you guys the messiah? He should be the one paying her bills. Does he not have his own responsibilities? Am I supposed to be a burden to him or a companion?

Now I understand why people will see you well dressed, looking well taking care of with a smooth skin, gorgeous hair- do adorning your creative and well positioned skull, carefully sculpted face by make-up, up and down manicured and would think and say that a man must have been involved for you to have exhumed such beauty and affluence. Even as a working class babe whose hustle is pure and holy. Haba!

Who says a lady has no responsibilities? That some of us are not married doesn’t make us irresponsible. Some if not most of us take good care of our dependent family members more than you almighty guys. And we aren’t complaining. Even when we have no dependants, our personal body nko? That’s a gigantic responsibility if you are oblivious of it. Oh yes! Being attractive from head to toe is a huge task. Some of us have big investments that we keep away from the prying eyes of the public.

That the financial burdens we carry do not reflect in our lifestyle and outlook doesn’t make or tag us irresponsible. Let me ask you, have you ever heard of the word ‘balance’? If you haven’t or you have and simply do not know what it means or how useful it is to make your life beautiful, I’m using this medium to beg you in the name of the God or god (s) that you worship to go check your dictionary for its meaning. And when you do, please apply it to your life and come back to give us ‘balancetimony’ that you do in your worship centers.

We just know how to live a balanced life with the little we earned or have even as dependants. 

Though, it is a pity that some of us earn their living by working as ‘konji or agro’ reliever for you men, if you know what I mean. But even at that, they work for the money. Don’t they?

Well, we are not immune against being taking care of by our men. Of course, you should do that. *Winks* 

But it is also important that you know that yours come as a complement and not as the main dish. If our married seniors can survive when their spouses are not financially bogus, we can do better. It is just not fair of you to look at us the way you do. There is something called being independent. We might make use of your support, but we can as well stand on our feet when your presence isn’t in our lives. We can’t and will never force you to do what you are not capable of doing because we understand you. Forget those babes that sniff life out of you when you can’t take care of their expenses. They simply do not know what they are doing. Some people will say all I have been saying are from a proud heart. Let me burst your bubbles, that we don't ,that your woman or lady or babe as you may decide to call her and even your sister does not turn to you anytime and every time she needs financial aid doesn't make her proud. She is simply following the being a boss lady principle. 

Please respect and salute an independent lady when you see one.

This song, I am woman by Jordin Sparks will tell you more about us. Enjoy